Luca Cordero saves the world with a...uh...Ferrari?

     I've been sitting here for twenty minutes now, with my heart pounding hard, and my brain trying to assimilate the information it just received from my eyeballs. Ferrari confirmed a hybrid car, and the only explanation I can give you right now, is that Luca Cordero had some roofies in his drink. This guy recently went berserk, when he claimed surely that there ''WILL NOT BE A FOUR DOOR FERRARI...EVER!'' So where was this hybrid idea conceived? I can bet my left leg, that it has something to do with the new EU laws, which force car firms to balance out their CO2 emissions. Or in other words ''Carbon offsetting''. But I still can't see a reason why Ferrari should embarrass itself with a Gay-green car. 

     The only thing I can imagine being more fascinating than driving a Ferrari with the electro-motor from a household fan in the back, is prostate milking. You pass by with your Ferrari whining like a ''Dyson'' vacuum cleaner, which will cause your dignity to melt like the morning frost. How can someone claim that meeting a V12 6 liter monster with a 10 horsepower electro-motor, and half a ton worth of lithium-ion rubbish, will benefit the environment? It will, in the same way that your oven causes Global Warming. 

     These days, we are made to believe that in ten years, our skin will boil, and we will suffocate with Carbon Monoxide, if we keep on going to work with our cars. I am sorry to report, but none of this will happen. The media is a powerful weapon, and we need to possess certain levels of guilt, in order to fall for preposterous vehicles like the G-Wiz and the Prius. We are told to use our bicycles, but every working man knows, that if his family uses bicycles, there will be some limitations. Remember that men are egos covered in skin, so getting on a bicycle to go to work, would be like running around the street naked, shouting that you've got Ebola. Your kids will be run over by an eco-friendly G-Wiz, and your wife will be raped on the side of the road, on her way home. And you have to go through all of this, because some smartly dressed wimp in New-York claims that the world will soon explode from overheating. And I can hazard a guess, of what car this middle aged, well dressed man is driving. A Porsche...Panamera...V8...493BHP. Its heat output puts the sun to shame, and its carbon footprint, will be enough for the photosynthesis of all vegetation in the universe.
     But to get back on the topic of the scandalous Ferrari. Why should they make a hybrid, when they can fix the ''Carbon Offsetting'' problem in a trifle? Why don't they produce child bicycles which only require two prepubescent legs, and some ice cream to work? Why don't they buy a forest, and re-brand it as the ''Ferrari Jungle'' with bio-degradable cars for the kids to have fun with. This is perfectly acceptable by the rules of the ''UNFCCC'' and the ''Kyoto Protocol''. Come on Ferrari. Do not give us washing machines, because we won't like them. And just look at the thing... It is reminiscent of a squished rotten apple. And who thought of that colour? 

- ''We have decided on dark green, because it resembles the product of secretion in the human nose.'' 

     Ferrari...If you claim you are saving the planet, that would be like Sir Elton John claiming, he is a heterosexual... Even kids will laugh at it. Why don't you instead, make a bio-degradable chewing gum? It would be so much better.

The angry griffin.... VX220 turbo

     The Vauxhall VX220 is a vehicle that always managed to captivate my attention, and excite my senses. The creases, the lights, the overall shape. Everything was ahead of its time, and if you saw one of those on the street, your head would spin around like an airport radar, because oh my god, this car is pretty.

 Introduced as far back as 2003 by Opel and branded as the ''speedster'', this car was nothing more of a monumental failure, because very few were actually sold. Vauxhall re-branded it and sold it as the VX220 and even Daewoo did their own version called the ''Speedster'' as well. Demand was low however, and production finally ceased two years later in 2005. Much like the Nissan Juke I wrote about earlier, Opel (Vauxhall) re-defined what modern design is, and to be honest I did not quite like it when it came out. But it seems like they nailed the sweet spot, and car design evolved in a couple of years to exactly what Vauxhall had in mind back in 2003. It was brilliant, and I think that Niels Loeb and Martin Smith did an outstanding job on the styling. This car is something to behold... For me it is pure art.
     On paper, It might not seem lighting bolt quick with its asthmatic 2.2 liter GM engine, five speed gearbox and 147 horsepower. If you dig in though, you will be surprised that under the pretty body, lies the chassis of a Lotus Elise, which is a benchmark for handling, and speed to some extent. Dig in even more, and you will be startled to know that the whole body weighs less than 940kg, and that the vehicle is actually built in the Lotus factory in Norfolk, England. Do not for once though, think it is boring, because this car is able of electrocuting every single hair on your skin. It is like a spoonful of wasabi... it is hard to swallow, but you will remember it forever.
     The original VX220 had a 2.2 liter engine capable of producing the somewhat childish 147 horsepowers. Acceleration was not pulverizing and at 44000$ the price was quite steep as well, making it not a very good value for money. Vauxhall relised that, and soon came up with a faster tauter version. And to do this, they actually decreased the capacity of the engine to two liters. This time around however, they fitted it with a high pressure turbo, which mated with the engine produced the still somewhat humble 197 BHP. The effects however were profound. 0-100kph (0-62mph) took the outlandish 4.7 seconds, and for a two liter to mess in Porsche proclaimed territory was quite a step. The top speed was limited to 242km/h (150 mph), and even though it is achievable by many cars, it still is something to awe about.  And just when I thought, that is the best car money can buy, I got to the interior, which I can only describe as being ''GHASTLY''

     I am sorry, but the only thing consisting of more grey and hard plastics than this car, is my laundry basket. You step in, and are greeted with funny replicas of steel grids, fabricated out of that famous oil by-product (At least the car in which I had the fortune to sit). The gear lever on the other hand is crafted out of pure aluminium, and its presense is as inappropriate as a truffle in a fast food joint. Some may argue the style of the interior is simplistic and clean, but that is extremely contradictive when you take into account the exterior styling which I can describe as being ''Kindly Vulgar''. What is more, the window frame is too low for my liking, and I kept trying to imagine what menace it will be driving this car, when the only thing I could see before my eyes, was a steel beam. And puh-lease, do not even think of using the sun visor, because you will then be overloaded by the Health and Safety Notices.
    And then Vauxhall dropped my jaw even more, when I found out that the price, when it was new was...$ 50000. 50000 for a small, impractical, plasticky vehicle, with a dreadful stereo, and an engine that sounded like its been powered by stones. But it was the looks that made this car a gem among all others, and it grew on me more than anything. Do not get me wrong. I'd buy this car in a heartbeat if I was given the chance. I'd even purchase it with the engine from a lawn mower, because I'd be happy having it on my drive only to look at. But as a day-to-day work tool, it is as useless as a porn magazine in the Buckingham Palace.